ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
