Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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