Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
