I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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