so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
