Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
