Whats the glycemic index on semen?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
