I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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