So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
not ubering you a puppy
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