just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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