I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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