Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
