The maid of honor just puked.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
