Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
