The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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