Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just had sex on a roof
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize