So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
