we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
