I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
