I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
