Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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