I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
