**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
