this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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