I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
