david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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