hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
