If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
