Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
