How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
