I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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