I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
