well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
