Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Girls should come with a carfax report
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
