My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
