i think my mom watched the whole time
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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