Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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