The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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