1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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