puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
