tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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