i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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