Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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