Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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