I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
