you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
