I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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