yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
