Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
