Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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