Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
