A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
