What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
