I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
