is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
