Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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