Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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