Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
